August 15, 2020

Poem: "New Releases"

Tomorrow in my final Harry Potter Rant Rave Review, but in the meantime, please enjoy this salty poem about the current state of America as seen through the microcosm of the book industry:

New Releases



I open my computer

and go online seeking history and true crime

(two of my favorites) but instead find:


·      twenty books about Trump ruining America

·      seven books about how to be a witch

·      four self-help books with covers featuring light switches and smiles

·      six titles with profanity bleeped out with an asterisk

o   (Note: this is no longer original)

·      three books about how Trump will save America

·      forty self-help books about how to:

o   make money

o   beat anxiety

o   organize

o   compromise with your spouse

§  (And all of them in five easy steps!)

·      three titles saying “Girl, do this”, “Girl, do that”

·      ten diet books about how to burn fat (in just ten minutes a day!)

·      twenty books about Trump’s crimes against America

·      five books about how you are a bad person for having white skin

·      three books about the Spanish Influenza

o   (two years too late for the centennial, too late to do any good)

·      three books about America’s original sin (slavery)

·      ten books equating prison to plantations (abolish them?)

·      two books about defunding the police

·      no books about how to catch or where to put murderers or rapists (curious)

·      one book, only, about hashtag Me Too

·      eighteen books on “mindfulness”

·      five books about how to love yourself more

o   (unclear if this includes those with dirty white skin)

·      eight books about how to be anti-racist (but only if you follow these ten steps!)



I close my computer

and reread books

about historical murder

to try and cheer myself up. 

August 8, 2020

Rant Rave Review: Harry Potter

To make up for not posting last week, here is a two part, extremely long Harry Potter Rant Rave Review (and  it doesn’t even include Deathly Hallows, which will get its own review next week).